Do Single Mothers Raise Bad Sons?
There are numerous times that I have been told that I am to hard on my son. Then there are times that I am told that I am not hard enough on him. I have also been told that I am a great mother. And I have been told that being a single parent is the hardest thing a mother can be.
When I found out that I was having a child, I knew I was going to be doing it without a father involved. Single parent life here I come. Immediately I called my family to tell them the news. Needing to know what their response would be, I didn’t hesitate.
Knowing that I would not be able to do this on my own. I started thinking about my support system. As the next few weeks passed by, I enlisted a few family members into the inner circle. People I knew that would undoubtedly be there. It was funny how they were the ones who were not in my everyday life at this point.
Sooner then I expected, into the world came my son. Doing everything I knew and more included going to numerous child development classes. Classes that teach you to learn your child from the beginning. How to interact with them on an eye level.
Discipline was a big thing for my family. The balance of making sure they understood why they were getting disciplined was a big issue for me. Combining my knowledge with theirs really helped me to see better.
This world is full of opinions. The simple matter of fact is that if you have a great support system, your child will turn out to be a great child. No he does not have a father in his life. But he does have a lot of uncles to bond with. And God parents who are parents of their own.
People are amazed at how well my son listens. That he is smarter then he should be at his age. And his attention span is no different then any other 2 year old. However, I can tell you he has never been a terrible 2 child.
All of this is simply due to the fact, that there are matters which are in place. Learning how to use them effectively is key. Enlisting dependable people as support who are willing to be good role models are extremely important.
So do I think that single mothers raise bad sons? No. The lack of knowledge raises bad children. The lack of knowing how to handle a situation. Not knowing how to cope with a situation and not searching out a good source to help you. That raises bad children.
Written by: MaMaShan – Kailua-Kona, Hawaii US
Wow. What an amazing journey of parenthood. Thank you for sharing your story with SingleMoms365.com.
I was a married parent and at the age of 26 had mny first child which I wanted so badly, I really wanted children, my husband was abusive to me but like so many women I hung in there. We had our second son two years later when my husband raped me when I conceived and then beat the tar out of me. I finally woke u and took my two boys and ran. My youngest son that was conceived in rape was also deprived of oxygen when I was working at a nursing home and one of my patients rooms caught on fire, I was about oh I thin k3 or 4 months pregnant, then when he was born the cord was wrapped around his neck so tight he almost died and so there was 2nd oxygen deprevation. When he was born my husband didnot want him because he had dark curly hair and had funny hand movements. My husband thought I had been with a black man (I am white) and thought that my boy was retarded. A few months after my boy was born, the long curly black hair fell out and in came the dark blonde. He was definately the son of my husband. By the age of 2 my son started to act strange and I was alone raising 2 very active boys with no help. He started to do odd things like ask me to kill him and cut off his neck by the age of 3 and one time stook in front of the car and demanded that I run him over and had a falling down fit when I of course did not run him over. I contacted some child psyc folks and all they told me that he was weird ad something was wrong with him. I did the best I could to raise the boys, but my youngest was getting worse and worse, and doctors and psychologists and therapists told me that he was ADD, Panic/Anxiety syndrome, Bi-Polar, Severe Attention disorder etc. Year went by and he was in and out of treatment centers and started to get into trouble with the law. I stood by him, gave him good disipline and advise, and never ever stopped loving him. I did my own research and found out he had Aspbergers Syndrome to the letter. When he turned 18 I lost all legal control, he got into more and more trouble and finally had enough felonies that he wound up in jail several times and had one more to go until he was put in a Max offender facility. He was trying so hard to change, did not like the way his life was turning out, missed one PO appointment because the PO he had would not change his PO locationfrom where his current PO was to where he was living and working which was about 3 hours apart. She violated him, sent him to a max prison, I begged her not to, he admitted he deserved to payfor his crimes and so did I but for only 72 days left on a sentence she hated him and I told her he would not make it in there ad he was mentally ill from childbirth, but off he went and 4 days after entering the max facility he was dead. They gave him a medication to take back to his cell for something that he didn’t even have. It was an asthma inhaler and he did not have asthma. He liked to get high and inhaled the entire canister at once ad the freon kiled him. My life will never be the same and I think of him and miss him every day. We had all (myself and the two boys) become followers of Jesus prior to his death and I went off my rocker for about 3 good years before the Lord healed me and now I know that my boy is living in heaven with the best Father he could ever have and we will be reunited someday. The moral of the story here is that, 1. all and being too hard or too soft in the world won’t stop free will. 2. Some people just don’t understand mental illness. 3. You can be the best parent on the planet and your son or daughte may still turn out to do horrible things, no matter how much you love them and treat them right. 4. I do not believe there are bad kids, but i do believe there are kids who do bad things and no one, not any single person is beyond redemption. So keep doing the good disipline, love your chlid like there is no tomorrow, because sometimes there is no tomorrow. Go to church, teach your child about the Lord ad that doesn’t mean you have to be a “bible beater” or a nurd. Without the help and hope and guidance of Jesus I would have most likely killed myself because of the hard and awful like my boy had no matter how good a single parent I was. Kids need to know what happens to them if they or you die and the consequences of bad behavior. Do I think the prison wanted to kill my son? NO. Do I think he made a huge mistake? YES. Did he know I loved him and tried as hard as I could and told him over and over how I would always be there for him and love him no matter what. I have seen some very horrible comments tgo zinging across my screen from people who say unkind things. I think you are on the right path, but don’t hit your child, teach by example, and when they are grown they wil stil make the choices they want to make. My boy did not want to die that day, but he want to get high just one more time, and one more time was the last time. Go to church, bring your child get involved with people who are successful parents, become a Christian if you so choose because if you don’t and your child dies when he has had the opportunity to hear of Jesus, what He did for us and the word of God, almost every religion believes in a hell of some sort. My son I do believe would be in hell now had he not believed in Jesus Christ and just because you are a Christia does not mean that you will never do something stupid or sinful again. Pray and hope. Best of God Blessings to you dear one.
Outstanding blog post, I look forward to reading more.
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