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Sometimes life just happens….

I don’t really know of alot of women who as little girls dreamed of one day becoming a single parent. The thought of raising children, alone and on your own just never seem to make it into most of our plans for life. However, before we even noticed it – Life just happens – And we find ourselves, in a strange place.

Our careers – we planned and prepared for. Our perfect husbands – we prayed and pressed for. But becoming a single mother – nope, there was no strategy on the best way to accomplish that. Single parenthood just wasn’t even in the cards – we thought…. but again, LIFE just happens.

I noticed that life tends to come to me in cycles. Once I conquer one area – mentally, physically, and even spiritually – the next cycle of life and challenges show up. Single parenting has been the same way….

I didn’t plan or expect it. As a matter of fact for the longest time I thought ALL of my hopes and original dreams for my life were now GONE because of it. Becoming a single mother – for me – was traumatic. We all handle emergencies in our own way, however as women and mothers we are innate survivors. So the first phase of being a single mom for me was SURVIVAL. — How do we live? Where do we live? How will I take care of us? Where can I find income? Where can I find daycare? Are we safe? Who’s in this with me? Who can I count on? Who is against me? Where is my support system? How will we eat? And so on, and so on. I learned that the SURVIVAL phase can last a while and is often the most stressful. However once conquered, you can begin to live and breathe again.

Phase #2 in my journey was when I had gotten into a grove with the singleness in my home and begin to thrive. Stability became my companion, and now walking assured – I begin to dream. Work was steady and promotions became possibilities. I begin to obtain the things that I had wanted before. The car, the house, the status….its was finally mine. Although delayed – it was not denied. But soon I knew – it was not enough. There had to be more than just a Benz and a nice brick house. I had the swim/tennis community, but I STILL felt empty. There was money in the bank, but I felt so broken. Thats when I realized, phase #3.

PHASE 3 – for me was to INSPIRE. I had to know that the things that I invested my time and energy into – really made a difference. I wanted to know that my journey was of assistance to others. I had to give back, extend a hand, and share my wisdom. I had danced so long with depression and despair that now that I knew freedom, I NEEDED to show others the way. I begin to sow seeds of hope and love to other women who found themselves in the TRAUMA unit of life.

I would share with them that yes, most of us did not plan this path but everyday, women just like us – make it work. Find your way to peace and everything you need will come to guide you through. Just don’t get stuck in the city of pity. No matter you do, find YOUR way to continue to move forward. Even if you are falling – my dear, fall forward.

There are few assurances in life, but you have the same amount of time and possibility of everyone else. You can spend your resources of heart, life, spirit, and money on things that will keep your stagnant or you can push yourself beyond phase 1’s TRAUMA & SURVIVAL. Go even beyond the comfortability of Phase 2’s THRIVING….

You can live in the world of the overcomers. You can be a source of light of life. YOU CAN INSPIRE.

For whatever reason, this is the life and path assigned to you and guess what – no matter what you are thinking and even others may be saying – you can do this. Your dreams are not dead. You arent the worst person in the world and your kids will turn out just fine. Just keep moving…FORWARD!


Love you ladies,
Ms. Koddi